Reports full of numbers that mean nothing

Every business owner I meet has a version of the same story. They paid someone good money, and once a month a report showed up. Pages of it. Charts, percentages, words that sounded like progress. And at the end of it they still couldn't answer the only question that mattered: did any of this bring in a customer.

I know those reports from the inside. I spent years in strategy consulting building decks for some of the biggest brands in the world, and I speak this vocabulary fluently — including knowing what it's for. Jargon has a job. When a marketer can't tell you plainly what they did and whether it worked, fog is the next best thing. A "robust, data-driven strategy" reads a great deal better than "I'm honestly unsure what's working." When someone hides behind a word, there is usually very little underneath it.

The decoder below gives you three things per entry: the word, what it tends to mean when it's said to you, and the plain question that lifts the fog. Try the questions on the next report you're sent, and watch how fast a real answer either shows up or doesn't.

The words that fill the silence.

These are the ones reached for when there's no decision to report. Each is a real idea wearing a much bigger coat.

Optimize. Sold as: making something work better. What it usually means: "I changed a setting." It almost never says what changed, by how much, or whether the change helped. The honest question: What did you change, and how do we know it did better than what we had before?

Leverage. Sold as: using something you already have. What it means: use. "Leverage your reputation" is "use your reputation" with two extra syllables and none of the clarity. The honest question: In plain words, what are we using, and to do what?

Synergy. Sold as: two things together being worth more than the two apart. What it usually means: a reason to sell you both instead of one. The honest question: If we did only one of these, which one, and what would I really lose by dropping the other?

Robust. Sold as: strong, hard to break. What it is: an adjective doing a fact's job. A "robust plan" is usually a plan nobody has tested against anything. The honest question: What would have to happen for this to fail?

Solutions. Sold as: answers to your problem. What it means: "the stuff we sell," said by someone who would rather name neither the stuff nor the price. "Marketing solutions" is a menu with no items on it. The honest question: Specifically, what would you do, and what does it cost?

Actionable. Sold as: something you can act on. What it signals: that the last thing they sent wasn't. Good advice already comes ready to act on. "Actionable" is a promise made because the promise was broken the time before. The honest question: What is the first thing I should do Monday morning, and why that one first?

The words that describe your money without touching it.

These sound like accounting. Most of the time they're decoration.

Funnel, and its cousin pipeline. Sold as: the path a stranger takes to becoming a customer. Fine as shorthand between the people who build one. A warning sign when it's used to make your business sound like a machine you're not allowed to understand. The honest question: Where exactly are people falling out, and what are we doing about that one spot?

Analytics. Sold as: the study of your numbers. What you're usually handed: a screenshot of a dashboard. A pile of measurements is raw material — a person with judgment has to turn it into "here is what matters and here is what to ignore," and that second step is the part you were paying for. The honest question: Of everything on that screen, which two numbers should I watch, and which should I stop looking at?

Data-driven. Sold as: decisions made from evidence. What it is in practice: a badge worn in place of a method. Everyone claims it. Almost no one shows you the number that changed their mind. The honest question: Show me the one figure that made you do something differently, and tell me what you did.

ROI. Return on investment: what came back for what you put in. Here you have the one honest number in the whole vocabulary, which is exactly why it's the one you're shown least. Impressions are easy to make big. This one is hard to fake. The honest question: For every dollar I handed you last quarter, how many came back, and how do you know?

The numbers on the report.

These fill the pages. They go up and to the right and say almost nothing about your business.

Impressions. How many times something you paid for appeared on a screen. Nobody has to look at it, want it, or remember it. Of every number in marketing, this one is the easiest to make enormous and the least connected to a dollar. The honest question: How many of those turned into a call, a visit, or a sale?

Reach. How many different people it got in front of. A bigger-sounding relative of impressions. It counts audience, never interest. A million strangers who felt nothing are worth less than ten who picked up the phone. The honest question: How many of the people we reached were people who could actually buy from me?

Engagement. Likes, comments, shares. Applause, essentially — pleasant, and almost never a customer. A post for a Denver plumber that delights teenagers three time zones away engaged wonderfully and sold nothing. The honest question: Did any of this bring in someone near me who needs what I sell?

Click-through rate. The share of people who clicked. A step closer to money than everything above it, and still several steps away. A click means curiosity. The booking, the call, the sale all happen afterward, or don't. The honest question: Of the people who clicked, how many booked, called, or bought?

What to do with this.

None of these words are evil on their own. A good marketer uses a few of them as shorthand and can drop the shorthand the second you ask. That is the entire test. Ask the plain question. If the fog lifts and a real answer comes back, you probably have someone worth keeping. If the words just get bigger, you also have your answer.

Frank was built to be the opposite of those reports. It reads your business from what's already public — your reviews, your competitors, the way you show up when a customer searches — and tells you the two or three things that actually matter right now, in language you could repeat to your spouse at the kitchen table, including the one thing to stop doing.

So run those questions on the last report you were sent. Then, if you want to see what plain looks like, point Frank at your business and read what comes back. The read is free, and nobody will send you a chart.